“Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities. Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes.” (Amos 9:11, NLT)
I know that you are asking God to fulfill these words in your marriage, and I earnestly join you in that prayer, believing that God’s heart is strong for healing and reconciliation. But I also know that at this moment, you sense only cold silence and closed doors.
I want to encourage you that you are not alone in your pain, God is not discouraged, and His plan for your life is not in tatters.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NIV)
God is not limited by your emotions. You can feel low and yet have strong faith. As you set your will to follow God, He works powerfully through your yielded spirit.
“Therefore, since we do hold and engage in this ministry by the mercy of God …, we do not get discouraged (spiritless and despondent with fear) or become faint with weariness and exhaustion.” (1 Corinthians 4:1, AMPC)
I pray that the following five truths will strengthen you today.
1. God’s mighty purposes for your life and your marriage are not thwarted.
“I know that You can do anything and no plan of Yours can be thwarted.”(Job 42:2, HCSB)
God is still using your marriage to draw you closer to Him. The Spirit is still using you to show those around you what God looks like. You have the opportunity to reveal God as a forgiving God, full of generous grace, unfailing commitment, and unconditional love. In fact, it is when our marriages are difficult that we are most able to demonstrate these awesome attributes of God.
And when our marriages are difficult, we are often able to see our own hearts better. When a spouse is warm and supportive, we may believe that we are more loving than we really are. “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” is usually a pleasant transaction, not a self-denying sacrifice. But when we serve a spouse without receiving appreciation or even acknowledgment, then our inner responses reveal our true motivation.
As others have pointed out, when we are treated like servants, we quickly learn whether we have servant’s hearts or not! When we are not receiving positive feedback, we have the privilege to serve purely for the sake of love.
I invited my friend Kristen Hogrefe to share some of her insights into marriage as she and her husband recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary.(Learn more about Kristen’s talented writing and her award-winning novels at the end of this article.*)
In this two-part series, Kristen explains 12 choices that create extraordinary marriages.
Whether you are a newlywed or a seasoned spouse, practicing these guidelines will be a blessing in your home!
Last week, we saw six choices that can help make our first year of marriage—or any year, for that matter—extraordinary. Today, we’re going to look at six more. Whether you’re engaged, newly married, or married for decades, we can all start today, by God’s grace, to make our marriages the best they can be. (Read Part One HERE.)
#7. Be interested in what interests your spouse.
James tells me he’s read more books since meeting me than he has in the rest of his lifetime. That’s a credit to him for wanting to care about something that interests me. On the other hand, I’ve gotten into mountain biking because of him and really enjoy off-road biking now.
I’m not saying you have to change your interests because of your spouse. Instead, you should expand them so that you each spend more time with your spouse doing something important to him or her. The impact on your relationship will be the best return you can make on any time investment.
#8. Encourage time apart.
Some couples become so absorbed in each other that they completely lose their identity and their friend groups, which is entirely unhealthy. You are still two people. Even though you have mutual friends and are each other’s favorite person in the world, he needs some time with the guys, and you need girl time. James has been wonderful about encouraging me to take a night out with my friends, and I’ve encouraged him to do the same. We’re both better for it.
#9. Always give more and never keep score.
Try to “out give” each other. This is a challenge I’m striving to practice. It means buying the brand of Fig Newtons he likes (even though I don’t) or putting his favorite chocolate chip cookies in the oven “just because.” It means looking extra special just for him or finding a fun way to surprise him.
Secretly, I suspect James is practicing on me too. The other night, my stomach was upset, and even though we had both gone to bed, he offered to get up and get me some Tums and something to drink. (I didn’t want to get up, and I imagine he didn’t either.) But he did. Because loves cares about upset tummies.
A marriage of two givers is a beautiful thing.
#10. Shoot the little foxes before they reproduce.
“Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes.” (Song of Solomon 2:15 NKJV)
Solomon used foxes as a metaphor for any subtle little thing that tries to drive a wedge in your marriage. He understood that “little foxes” can damage tender relationships. Even the biggest fires start with a little flame.
He said to catch the foxes. I say shoot them dead. I’m more convinced than ever that the Devil hates marriage and wants to stir up strife through any little thing he can get his hands on. She forgot to change out the toilet paper roll? So what. You’d have to replace it yourself if you were living alone. He forgot to take out the trash? Take it out yourself. Don’t let little things become big deals.
One practice that helps is by rehearsing all the kind things your spouse does. If I catch myself starting to complain about something, instead I remind myself, “He is such a good griller. He made me dinner last night.” Or, “I love that he helped me clean the house to get ready for my girlfriends.” Focusing on the positive puts any little annoyances in perspective.
#11. Be your best self.
One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is to take care of yourself physically and stay attractive. You’re doing yourself and your own sex drive a serious favor here too. There is no reason you should gain twenty pounds your first year of marriage, even if one of you is an exceptional cook. Don’t get “lazy” just because you no longer have to fit into a wedding dress.
I’m sorry/not sorry if I’m hurting any feelings here, because I feel so strongly about this point. As the Bible explains, your body isn’t your own any more. It’s your husband’s too (I Corinthians 7:4). He’s equally responsible for maintaining his body and health as well. No matter how you age or what changes your body goes through, never stop striving to be fit and healthy. That doesn’t mean you’ll be a super model, and please don’t even start comparing yourself to someone who looks like one. It just means you’ll be the best version of yourself.
If you find yourself making an excuse right now, put a pin in it and instead ask, “What CAN I do?” Maybe you can join a gym together or keep each other accountable to eat fewer sweets. We all can do something. The key is consistency and accountability.
#12. Have “an anointed adventure.”
When we were doing marriage counseling, the pastor spoke about the need for “an anointed adventure.” In other words, our marriages should be about something greater than ourselves. He challenged us to think about what that adventure might look like for us.
After talking and praying about it, James and I discovered ours. We want to love people well and have a home that feels like a haven or a welcoming place. Our dream is to one day live on a lake and create our own “retreat” environment. I’m not sure when that dream will be realized or what it will look like, but we’re practicing hospitality where we are right now.
Every couple’s anointed adventure will be different, so don’t compare yours to someone else’s. Remember that God gifts everyone in different ways. Also remember that you and your spouse can still minister separately as well, but choose at least one area where you can serve together.
Closing thoughts
Looking back over our first year together, I almost feel the need to pinch myself at how wonderful it’s been. I want this joy to be yours too, and I hope some of these ideas will help. Of course, difficult times and disappointments will come and probably already have, but let’s always remember how blessed we are to have our spouses. They are a gift. Let’s treat them that way.
What other choices and intentional investments have made a difference in your marriage? Please comment and share! _________________________________________
*Kristen Hogrefe is an award-winning author and lifelong learner who enjoys starting her day with Jesus and coffee. Kristen and her husband live in Florida, the perfect setting for their many outdoor adventures.
Connect with Kristen at www.KristenHogrefe.com, where she challenges young adults and the young at heart to think truthfully and live daringly.
As we observe Passover this week, much of the world is sheltered in their homes, trying to stay safe until this deadly virus will PASS OVER. It reminds us that Christ-followers are sheltered in Jesus Christ, safely protected as spiritual death (separation from God) will PASS OVER us.
How thankful we are for Jesus! Not only did He die for us, but He was resurrected to life again. If we accept the death of Christ on our behalf, then we can receive from Him the forever Life that He offers to us. We have much to celebrate!
It has been a rich blessing in my family to celebrate Passover and Resurrection Sunday each year. I hope that you will enjoy this special joy, too!
If you have children in your home, be sure to make Resurrection Cookies! My daughter Valorie explains how to do that in this short video. Each step in the recipe teaches something about the Easter story.
Below are some simple ways to celebrate Passover with preschoolers, children, or adults. (Much of this material comes from Simple Celebrations.) Also, at the end of this post, you will find short meditations to strengthen your marriage (or other relationships) each day of Holy Week.
Celebrating Passover
What it is:
Passover is a rich, multilayered celebration. On the first Passover, the blood from a flawless lamb protected God’s people from death.
Fifteen hundred years later, the symbols of the Passover supper became reality as the flawless Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, shed His blood on a cross to rescue us from spiritual death . And today, every follower of Christ can experience a personal Passover, as we are rescued from spiritual slavery to enjoy friendship with God.
Passover celebrates the fact that spiritual death passes over us, not touching us, as we commit to following Christ as Lord.
How to prepare:
Set a festive, colorful table. You may want to include two long taper candles.
Set a glass of grape juice at each place.
Place the following on each plate:
a parsley stalk
a piece of onion, or a bite of horseradish
a small serving of haroset (Combine applesauce, walnuts, and cinnamon—or use chunky applesauce, if your group has a nut allergy. The idea is create something that resembles mortar and that reminds us of the bricks which the Hebrew slaves were ordered to make.)
a small bowl of salt water (It is not necessary for each person to have a bowl if people can share.)
a piece of matzoh or a plain cracker
a bite of cooked lamb
If you are using a Haggadah (a program) with your group, make a copy for each person, and put a copy at each place. Click here for a PDF of a Christian Passover program.
You will need someone to be the leader, who will read most of the program. You may assign the shorter sections to others in your group–however you like. There are 23 reading sections. (Blank lines are provided so that you can write in the reader’s name at each numbered section.) The leader reads each section that is not otherwise assigned.
How to celebrate with preschoolers:
I like to begin by saying this: “I know that you have eaten a meal before. And I know that you have listened to a story before. But today, we are going to EAT A STORY!”
In a way appropriate for your children, tell the story of the Exodus. When you talk about making bricks, eat the haroset, which reminds us of the mortar used in building.
As you tell about the suffering of the slaves, dip the parsley into the salt water, and then have the children taste or eat it. Explain that this reminds us of tears because the Hebrew people were very sad.
Have the children eat (or simply smell) the green onion, explaining that this, too, reminds us that the Hebrew slaves were sad because of the cruel things that Pharaoh did to them. Explain that we also are sad if we don’t know God and if we don’t know that He loves us.
Explain that God sent Moses to rescue the Hebrew slaves. Moses told the people what to do, and God helped them to escape from Pharaoh.
Let the children taste the lamb. Explain that everyone who belonged to God had a Passover lamb, and God took good care of everyone with a Passover lamb because they were His people. We belong to God, and we have a Passover Lamb, too, because Jesus is like a Passover Lamb for us. God takes good care of us because we belong to Him.
Show the children the “flat bread,” the matzoh. Explain that when God rescued the Hebrew slaves, they had to leave Egypt so quickly that they could not wait for their bread to rise. They had to eat flat bread. As the children eat the matzoh, express gratitude to God for helping us because He loves us.
Explain that grape juice reminds us that God loves us so much that He would die for us! Say, “This juice is red (or purple), just like a valentine. This juice is like a valentine from God because it reminds us that God loves us very much.”
Conclude with a short prayer, thanking God that He loves us very much, that we can belong to Him, and that He helps us because He loves us.
How to celebrate with children:
Here is a new script that works well with children. It takes 20-30 minutes, but it can easily be adapted for a shorter celebration, too.
Celebrating Easter
In marriage:
As we reflect on the Scriptures concerning the death and resurrection of Christ, we can learn valuable truths for our marriages. Here are daily devotions with practical applications for each day of Holy Week:
One more resource for your marriage: “The Power of a Torn Veil.” Jesus Christ invites us into a new covenant, a relationship based on giving instead of earning. In our marriages, it is easy to revert to old-covenant thinking (“you owe me!”), but it is healing and life-giving to fill our marriages with the grace of new-covenant thinking.
God is still using your marriage to draw you closer to Him. The Spirit is still using you to show those around you what God looks like. You have the opportunity to reveal God as a forgiving God, full of generous grace, unfailing commitment, and unconditional love. In fact, it is when our marriages are difficult that we are most able to demonstrate these awesome attributes of God.
Tami Myer 